Everybody needs an excuse.

I always wondered what it would be like to be older than 20-something. I thought there would be some mystique or wisdom that would come with age that couldn't be explained in writing or in the movies.

I don't know about mystique or wisdom, but I certainly feel out of place these days. I'm too old to be "fashionably depressed" in an artistic sense... so I guess now I'm just (as my husband puts it), "chock full 'o nuts".

It's also time to start taking responsibility for myself fully. In the past, I was always a fan of, "it's getting bad.. someone should do something. I'll be sitting back here and I'll be fine at the end, just let me know how it turns out..." I'm also struggling currently with the need for pills to regulate my moods versus the "just grow the fuck up" camp. I have been diagnosed with both depression and even once with bipolar disorder. I know I'm not bipolar, because other doctors have confirmed that I am simply depressed... or are they ALL full of shit?

I am feeling a bit sucked into the abyss.

I had an episode of uncontrolled emotion the other night. It was unpleasant. I bought the book "Prozac Nation". Maybe I'll find inspiration (or at least commiseration) with someone else in my shoes.

Remember, kids... it's down the road, not across the street.